points out of ten for performance after receiving 'outsanding contribution to music' BAFTA:

for energy on ELTSDIM: 10

for one for the ladies: 10 (he rips his top off - apologises to Trudie - before launching into Roxanne'

for haircut: 2 (makes him look like an old, old man)

for drummer who gives all his energy into hitting those skins: 10 (that man is a demon!)

for looking like a senile chap who doesn't know where he's going after receiving award ('No, Sting, this way love'): 3

for generally being a god: 1,000

for cracking acceptance speech: 11 (I've only got five words to say, for anyone who has picked up a guitar, sat down in front of a piano, or opened their mouths to sing... Music Is It's Own Reward! Thank You!)

Actually, I think I've completely mis-remembered that 5 word thing. It was something like that... A little help anyone?

points out of ten for what looked to be a promising email about the Bafta show, and turned into a crock: 0