These were so funny I had to share them with someone! Jerry
I laughed so hard when I read these it was hard to breathe, just like when you have a couple tight strands of barbed wire wrapped around your chest. (or like when an octopus drags you down about 300 feet deep)
*****************************************
Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays . These are just too funny
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p. m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
"Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame - Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
__________________________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! Mail Plus - Powerful. Affordable. Sign up now. http://mailplus.yahoo.com
------------------------------------- This message was posted to the: Boundary Waters Canoe Area/Quetico Park E-Mail List. For more information
about this E-Mail List visit: www.canoecountry.com/email/list/index.htm
To subscribe send an email to: subscribecanoecountry@canoecountry.com
To unsubscribe send an email to unsubscribecanoecountry@canoecountry.com
from the address you subscribed with.
The Boundary Waters Canoe Area web site is www.canoecountry.com
Sign-up for the 2003 Souris River Canoe Giveaway from www.canoecountry.com
and Red Rock Wilderness Store Ely, Minnesota at: www.canoecountry.com/requests/entryform.htm
The Quetico Provincial Park web site is www.queticopark.com
Minnesota North Shore Web site is www.northshoreinfo.com
Please, No Attachments! Posting/reposting of Commercial Solicitations is not allowed. Report Problems to: chad@canoecountry.com ------------------------------------
==^================================================================ This email was sent to: jmbn@innercite.com
EASY UNSUBSCRIBE click here: http://topica.com/u/?aVxiOK.a5dWjI.am1ibkBp Or send an email to: canoecountry-unsubscribe@topica.com
TOPICA - Start your own email discussion group. FREE! http://www.topica.com/partner/tag02/create/index2.html ==^================================================================