On O(n) constants: "In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is." [Take that, Don Knuth!] On cut-and-choose: "You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six" On quantum computation: "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." On debugging: "You can observe a lot by watching." On speculative execution & the failure of IBM's Model 91: "We made too many wrong mistakes." On load balancing: "Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded." On the Halting Problem: "It ain't over till it's over." On self-referential statements: "I never said most of the things I said." [Take that!, Bertrand Russell!] On memory caches' ability to reduce latency: "The future aint what it used to be." On network synchronization: "It gets late early out here." On neural network convergence: "If you dont know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else." On Google's success: "Im not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did." On the security of multiparty cryptographic protocols: "Never answer an anonymous letter." On the difference between "wall clock time" and "CPU time": "I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four." On recursive sorting algorithms & dynamic programming: "The lousy teams are good this year" On cryptographic zero-knowledge protocols: "There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell 'em." On cache misses: "I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of answering that question." On Turing Machine diagonalization: "I knew the record would stand until it was broken." On parallel system synchronization deadlock: "You should always go to other peoples funerals, otherwise, they wont come to yours."