1. Always tell a parent or guardian before setting out across town to inspect the label copy on suspected rarities. If you can't do this, then send a message to the klf list a couple of hours beforehand and we'll get someone to inspect it for you.
2. If dealing with someone who asks you send money in advance of verifying the quality and/or existence of items, always send cash.
3. If in doubt about whether the item is collectable, ask someone down your local Sainsbury's whether they would buy it. This is often a useful guide.
4.If you are buying from ebay, ask yourself, 'Do I really need this fridge freezer?'. Then quit and try again later.
5. If you are selling on ebay, check that the items you are selling actually exist in a physical form. If they don't, you might be selling a rare mp3 by mistake.
6. Always check with colleagues on the klf list in advance if you are planning to fake up a rarity. The klf list are often experts in this kind of thing and will help you to target newbie KLF fans to chieve large volumes of cash.
7. If you have already made a shedload of cash by selling items purporting to be directly related by birth to the KLF, please remember that one of our underground agents may call to oversee the burning of the cash at any moment.
8. If you have already burned the cash you made from the sale of dodgy klf goods or other grey matter, why not advertise the results in our new 'Brickies' section on page 23?
9. Is your copy of '1987-The Edits' real or a cleverly-constructed copy made using a copy of 1987 but leaving out the songs? If you are unsure, look up a carbon copy analyst in your local phonebook or Yellow Pages.
10. Is that KLF T-Shirt for real? Most original KLF T-shirts are a bit musty by now. Always use the sniff test if in doubt. Common indicators of the genuine item include snot, blood, semen and 20 other household germs.
11. Is your unplayed copy of '1987' illegal? Play it before advertising it to check that all of the copyright violations are in place. failure to do this cold lead to you being accused of fraud when some buyer discovers that you've sold them a copy of '1987-The Edits' under cover of the original sleeve.
12. Is that signed KLF poster ripped? Or was it originally that way? Ask someone to print you out a certificate of authenticity. These days many home users have what is called Desktop Bootlegging software which can enable you to SELL SELL SELL. And sell again.
13. Is that nth generation DVD from original VHS of 'The White Room' really worth it? Often low-quality VHS and poor data transfer during DVD-burning can leave you unable to tell if the footage is genuinely out of focus.
14. How do you tell if those 'Pure Trance Series' labels are the real thing? Always check that they fit perfectly onto the original, unreleased 12" discs. There are a lot of bogus labels out there. Make sure YOU don't get attached to one.
15. Is that really the toast that Jimmy throws across the room in the Omnibus documentary? Sadly only time-consuming frame-by-frame analysis can confirm this. Until then, best not to part with CASH CASH CASH just because some student with several haircuts simultaneously decided to swiz the electorate on e-bay.
16. Some copies of Pete Robinson's 'Justified and Ancient History' have been photocopied. These include the originals. Use your skills and judgement to decide which copy to buy.
17. Paid over 200 dollars for that incomplete set of original KLF Communications press releases? Never mind. Chances are you eventually would have spent it anyway.
18. Is your copy of 'What Time is Love?' (Acid Rain Mix) slightly shorter than the one advertised on a dodgy bulgarian website? It could be you've been sold the original so celebrate today with a subscription to your favourite magazine.
19. Is there someone on the klf list who keeps posting information which you find to be at odds with long-held beliefs of yours? relax. Cahnces are they're trying to devalue your collection within your mind in order to force you into underselling at a later date. Sheep-handlers like this are everywhere on the list. Be alert!
20. Is someone from the klf list offering you rare Jams goods off-list at bargain prices you just cant believe? Email the list and we'll decide if you're being swindled...FOR FREE. Terms and conditions apply.
21. Did you buy a copy of 'Illuminatus' just to check out where The Jams are mentioned only to find your mind had been corrupted by a deep-seated paranoia about the world we live in? Relax. It's all true.Sell the book to somebody else today!!
22. Did you find that VHS copy of 'Waiting' boring and uneventful? Chances are you've got in your possession one of the original KLF Communications items. Check the sleeve for details.
23. Did you sell your KLF collection only to find that you're still a member of the klf list and starting to buy it back again at higher prices? Never mind. In your own small way, you're part of the living legend that is the former KLF!!