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Message date : Dec 10 2004, 03:23 PM
From : "Raymond Baal"
To : klf@mailman.xmission.com
Copy to :
Subject : [KLF] EXCLUSIVE! WHY THE K FOUNDATION BURNED A MILLION QUID!
This interview took place in on Hampstead Heath on the
occasion of my finding former KLF roadist Gimpo hiding
in the shubbery there while I was pottering around
hankering after a couple of wichity grubs (I should
have realised they're only on the telly not real). To
this day, I have no idea what he was doing there
unless he'd been subject to the same televisual
delusion.
Anyway, I had scarcely swallowed my gobstopper in
surprise when the burly former manager of Buster Hymen
and the Penetrators had rugby-tackled me to the ground
and was attempting to spit petrol into my mouth.
A few minutes later, I had this exclusive interview in
the bag:

Q: So why did the K Foundation burn a million quid,
then, G?

G: Well it hadn't started out like that. Bob and Jimmy
were a bit worried that their accountants were
planning to do a Sting or a George Harrison on them
and make off for the Mexican border with their cash,
so they nipped that one in the bud and filled out a
withdrawal form for a mill. But on the way back from
Hampstead, Bob had a dose of the jitters and persuaded
me, Jimmy and a journalist I'd knocked down when the
landrover mounted the pavement to make ourselves
scarce and head up north in case we started to get all
these charity cases like Z and whoever trying to get
their arm in on the cash. Not to mention the taxman.
And anyway before we knew it we were heading across a
beach on the Isle of Jura towards a shed. By the time
we fot there, the cash had got all wet because Bob
didn't want to give the game away by carrying it in a
big briefcase and that. So he'd had it stuffed up his
jumper all the way up. It was getting dark so we got
into the shed and decided that we'd spend the night
there. I lit the fire and, well, what happened was
that Bob was trying to dry his jumper and it ended up
he left the cash too close to the fire while we were
admiring the workmanship on the shed rafters there.

Q: It was that simple?

A: Well yeah. I mean once the first couple of hundred
quid had gone up, we were jumping around trying to
stomp it out but only ended up spreading the fire. So
anyway, that was when I started filming and once they
were on camera, that was it. They were off. Hardcore.

Q: They didn't stop to think?
They weren't going to be seen to be soft, were they?
But anyway, there was a bit in the middle that I had
to edit out when the door of the shed blew open and
some of the cash made a beeline for the beach with the
journalist running after it. At that point, Jimmy
started to blub a bit. 'Oh fuck. What are we doing?'
But that just encouraged Bob to carry on throwing it
on the fire and he was telling me to keep filming so
Jimmy eventually wasn't to be outdone was he?

Q: So that explains the policeman finding bits of
burned cash on the beach then.

A: That'll be it, yeah.

Q: Why, then, did they spend the best part of two
years doing a book and a tour asking students why
they'd burned it?

A: Well they didn't want to look stupid, did they? So
Bob thought that if they took out a few ads and went
round the students that one of them would come up with
a decent explanation instead of 'Because Bob left it
too close to the fire'

Q: But they didn't, did they?

A: No.

Q: So that's why there was the moratorium on the
subject of the burning of the million?

A: Yeah. They didn't want to talk about it.




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