Re: [AML] Beck, Leaving the Saints

I've been watching a lot of opinions being expressed, on both sides of this
issue. What I have to say is not so much an opinion as an expression of my
own experience.

I went to high school with Martha and Zina Nibley. Martha was a distant
figure--popular and prominent in school plays. I had a year-long creative
writing class with Zina, and while I wouldn't say that we were close
friends, we had at least a reasonably friendly acquantaince.

On one occasion, I (as the recently activated daughter of a non-member
father and an inactive mother) expressed some mild envy to Zina about her
being the daughter of such a famous member of the church. Her response was
something on the order of: it's not all it's cracked up to be. The Zina I
knew did not seem to be a very happy girl, although I didn't know her well
enough to have any idea why that might be. I can't say that I was a terribly
happy girl myself--high school is, by nature, a time of moodiness and
unfulfilled expectations. And while Zina's response to me that day may have
hinted at dysfunction in her family, I don't recall being espcially shocked.
Most of the kids I knew (both inside and outside the church) belonged to
families that were more dysfunctional than mine--mine was, in fact,
terminally normal (despite the problems I thought I labored under). I was as
naive as most bookishly geeky girls are, and Zina--like many of the kids I
went to school with--seemed to me to be vastly more experienced and cynical
about the world.

Martha was another matter. As I said, I knew her only from a distance--she
seemed to live on another plane than mere mortals like me (the image that
has been painted of Martha as an attention-seeker does, I fear, fit in with
my memory of her). But I recall one particular instance distinctly. I saw
her once with her watch taped in place on her wrist. At that time, there was
just beginning to be an awareness of anorexia, and I gathered from the
comments of others that Martha suffered from it. I have no idea whether it
was true, but I remember that I found the idea chilling at the time--and
Martha *was* very slender--that someone could get so thin that her watch
wouldn't fit properly anymore.

My passing acquaintance with the Nibley girls is, ironically, the very
reason I *can't* form an opinion on the issue of whether Martha experienced
the abuse she claims. With hints of family dysfunction on the one hand, and
doubts about Martha's grip on reality on the other, I simply have to stand
back from that issue.

I do know that the Provo I grew up in was not at all the same Provo that
Martha apparently describes in her book (no, I haven't read it, although
I've been reading a lot about it, thanks to this list). I think that, having
grown up as a virtual outsider (I didn't gain a testimony or even begin to
really understand the church until I was a sophomore in high school), I
would have noticed any "policies" as weird as Martha is reported to have
described. Yes, there are some rather strange members of the church in Utah
Valley (I could tell some interesting stories of my own), but I find it hard
to believe that any sane person--particularly someone who later lived
outside of Utah--would not be able tell the difference between weird
individuals and official church policy.

The thing that bothers me most about this book, and others of its ilk (I am
thinking, in particular, of _Amish Confidential_, another "exposé" book that
is experiencing some popularity in my part of the country), is that the
authors who have "escaped" their culture tend to blame the *culture* for
whatever happened to them. But a quick look at reality reveals that the same
kinds of things happen to all kinds of people, regardless of the culture
they live in. Yes, there is very human tendency to disbelieve that someone
you know could actually be evil (a tendency I have encountered--and suffered
from--in situations far removed from any religious culture). Yes, there is a
very human tendency for people to close ranks when their worldview is
questioned (again, I have encountered this tendency--and even been the
questioner who was frustratingly not listened to--in situations outside of
religion). No one culture or group of people have a monopoly on this type of
behavior. To blame institutions for the actions of individuals is, sadly,
another human tendency--one that is just as wrong as these other tendencies.

Are there problems with church culture? Undoubtedly. Some of them (or at
least their manifestations) may be uniquely "Mormon." Many are the same
problems that exist *anywhere* that a single culture is either prevalent in
society or has a particularly strong influence on its members. And I confess
that the quirks of "Utah Mormon culture" are one of the reasons that I and
my husband (who, thankfully, grew up elsewhere) have chosen not move back to
Utah. But while change in strong cultures *can* happen, it
tends--everywhere--to happen slowly. Being frustrated at that pace does not
solve the problem. Nor does making vague, overstated, or downright
inaccurate accusations.


Cee Malm